It's been nine minutes since the message from Jade came through. In those nine minutes, I have rolled out of bed, thrown my phone back onto my bed, and paced around my room like some dickhead. 

WHY AM I FUCKING NERVOUS TO REPLY BACK!

I need to get a grip, fast or I'll make a fool of myself. 

**Buzz Buzz**

My phone vibrates again but this time I waste no time and lunge onto my bed grabbing my phone in the process. 

"Jade: I know it's selfish, especially with us being in a pandemic but I was wondering if you would be able to keep me company for a few hours. I understand if you can't x"

I read the message back three times just to make sure I wasn't bugging out. The girl I wanted to see all this time has invited me over but leaving to go would be the wrong thing to do. Of course, I've been to the shops, the park and long walks but this is different, this would involve me being in contact with another person. Has she been following the government guidelines? Has she been prancing about with other people? Does she have the virus and not know? All these things sent my brain into overdrive, I've been that same person cussing those that have been gathering together but can I really let this chance slide? 

Thirty minutes have gone by and I still haven't responded and it's getting later and later. Will I be able to sneak out of my house? Because my mum will not allow me to leave in this climate. Well, what she doesn't know won't hurt her and that goes for everyone else to be honest. I will keep a two-meter distance whilst I'm with her and everything will be fine.

She only wants company, I tell myself repeatedly.

Before I allow time to run away any longer I reply back to her.

"Sorry for the late reply I took a nap. I can keep you company for a few hours even though we have to keep a two-meter distance sigh"

I pressed send and felt like a load had been lifted off my shoulders.

**Buzz Buzz**

If not for Jade I would've switched my phone to silent by now because of this nonstop buzzing noise.

"Jade: Yay, 41 Wanstead Lane, IG1 3SF"

It was almost 11 o'clock and Uber had just notified me that it was outside my house waiting. This was the hard part, leaving the house without being noticed. Luckily for me, everyone in the house had their own consistent routine. 

It didn't take long from me to reach the front door, roughly 18 seconds if I was counting...which I most certainly was. Not one person in sight so I open the front door and close it slowly behind me. Next thing you know I'm getting comfortable in the Uber with my thirty-minute drive about to get underway.

Water droplets have been hitting the car windows throughout this journey. I didn't think torrential rain could be so shy, or could it be teasing me for the real action,  when I set foot out of this Uber.

After a few more minutes the car started slowed down and came to a halt. I looked outside to see a huge house along with an equally huge drive-through. 

I got out of the car and walked towards the only house in front of me, number 41. I have this thing where I call people to let them know I'm outside before I knock or press the buzzer.

"Hey, I think I'm outside," I say calmly.

moments later the front door opened and there she was stood right in front of me.

She had her individual braids inspired by pop smoke, I could see her perfectly shaped breast sitting gracefully. They were in proportion to her small frame with nipples that were contained and well defined, not spreading and stretched. My eyes lowered its gazed and caught sight to her curves but I began to feel paranoid...How long have a being staring at her for?

"Nathanial, you can come inside," she said knocking me out of thoughts. "I don't bite."

As much as I heard her speak my attention was firmly on her lips. I wondered how they tasted, how soft they were...I wanted to kiss her the first time I saw her but something stopped me. Would it be selfish if I tried tonight knowing that we're in a pandemic? 

I followed her inside and shut the door behind with thoughts of what intimacy with her might be like.

Sixty-Four days had gone by since our incompetent government put in place a 'lockdown'. A lockdown that was supposed to ease the emerging strain on the Nhs and of course stop the number of people dying from this fucked up disease. 

My mistake was believing people would follow the rules. 

Can I blame them? No, no I can't, especially when the Prime Minister is being as clear as a baby with a dummy in its mouth. 

"Stay home, save lives, protect the Nhs." Echoes from my laptop and spreads through to every corner of my room. I go from laying down and facing my ceiling to sat up frustrated and restless. I shake my head violently. I pound it down again and again, but my thoughts will not dislodge themselves.

COVID-19 really came to ruin my life in 2020.

Well, not all is lost I guess...I have good health, my family is good and this girl and I are going great!

It's been eighty-seven days since I first laid eyes on her. A day I won't forget in a while but due to busy life schedule and COVID-19, we haven't been able to meet up again. Communicating, on the other hand, hasn't been an issue. We speak practically every day if not phone calls then we're messaging on WhatsApp. Thursdays she tends to be MIA due to personal reasons so I don't hear from her. 

Guess what today is....Thursday! Now I have a life outside of talking to her but boredom does strike me. 

I'm tired of being productive and trying to force myself to put out content on social media. At first, the thought of having all this free time to be creative was exciting, but as the days have practically merged into one another  I realise it's not by force nor is it a competition to see who can do this or that. 

It's okay to just rest and do nothing!

The sun giving was giving off a sense of serenity, a peace that invited itself into the soul. It was definitely time for my one hour walk and maybe to buy something whilst I was at it too.  

Quarter to eight in the evening, I was on the streets of London and things felt different. The air felt clean but you could also feel the tension. People were surprisingly out, more people than I had expected to see outside. In the same breath, everyone I saw had gloves on and some sort of makeshift mask covering their face. I looked down at my own glove and protective mask and instantly started overthinking. 

What scares me is being forgotten. You always have someone there, whether it's family, friends, or strangers. That's not what I mean. I'm scared that when I'm laid to rest, that time itself will forget me; that I would've lived an insignificant life surrounded by people who will be remembered as heroes. I am scared that despite all the good things I do, I'll still be no-one.

I take a seat on a nearby bench. I Inhale and exhale, trying to get rid of this built-up anxiety. I check the time on my phone, I see its well over eight o'clock! Either everyone is tired of clapping for the Nhs or I was so deep in my thoughts I didn't hear a thing.  Either way, my outside adventure was done for the day. The sun gradually began to take back the light it was emitting and before you knew it darkness cloaked over us. 

My phone, social media, and I...That is what my night will consist of, it's one of the consistent things in my life right now. I've been scrolling and switching apps nonstop since I got back home. Twitter, the devil's playground is where you will find all sorts of information. The latest one that struck me was the recent murder of a young black man, no older than 28. Same age as me, yet I didn't really feel a thing. The number of black killings recently has made me feel numb and desensitised.  

An investigation is said to have opened for the murder of William Boateng...

I stop reading and rest my phone between my nose and my lips. I don't know why but this envokes a form of calmness in me. There's only so much negativity I can take but in a world where negativity is currently rife there is nothing to be done about it, I just stay calm, do healthy things and then everything is okay again. That is the cycle.

***Buzz Buzzz***

My phone lights up but is still balanced on my face. I remove it and check to see what notification has come through.

"Jade: Hey Nathanial are you free?"

Maybe I am God's favourite I thought to myself.