Words Of A Broken Man

20:39 mickz 0 Comments

What is it to be happy? How does it feel to stop putting on a fake smile everyday? 

Hmmm...

These are the words of a broken man that has been through it all but still standing. Wondering when he'll stop just standing whilst everyone is out there enjoy their life...will he ever start moving? Will he ever spread his wings, fly and explore what life has to offer; or will his life just be the subject of endless heartbreak....

"Treat others how you would like to be treated"

That saying echos through my head, trying to live my life according to that saying but it comes to a point where you think what's the point when all the comes your way is heartache. Those that are meant to be there for you disrespect and look down on you; those you love question if your love is real even after everything you've done and are trying to do for them. Funny thing is when you're up there in the spotlight your wanted when you down needing help your left alone broken but having to put on a fake smile, can't let people know your slowly falling apart...not wanting sympathy from anyone, because when you've been broken to the extent I have you realise people are just shit and when given sympathy its just a halfhearted attempt to make you feel okay when it's far too late. 

Sometimes don't you wish that you didn't care so much? Like every so often you'll say to yourself "yeah Fuck them I don't care no more" but then find yourself again caring. Like Fucking hell man don't you wish there was a button to turn of your emotions without any questions asked?  

These are just the words of a broken man, a man who used to have faith and believe that there was good in everyone. Sadly you can only go through things so many times before you lose sight of what's really good in this world and realise you really are on your own. 

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Lost Ones

21:42 mickz 0 Comments

“You could be here today smiling in a pic, and then the next day that same pic you took is edited with RIP in it” 

Was sitting down in my room listening to music on my Iphone when ‘Reptar – Losing my balance’ started playing and the lyrics that I have quoted above really made me think about my own life and the people around me that have passed away. 

 As far as things go losing someone you know is never something you ever want to hear especially when they’re young, full of life and have so much to give to the world. Many of us have lost loved ones whether it be friends or family, the circumstances in which we have lost them vary from a range of things but the one thing that I feel we all have in common is when we ask WHY? Why them? This question continuously runs through our minds and then that’s when God is brought into play. 

 We tend to question God and why he didn't do something to intervene so that the people love would still be here today; this has led many people away from God because of the rage, anger and overwhelming flow of emotion that had suddenly consumed their hearts and sometimes people do not recover from such things. Can you really blame them for feeling like this or should they still give praise to God because they know he has a plan for each of us on this earth? So many questions out there but not enough answers to give us the satisfaction we need; waking up each day is a blessing, breathing in itself is a luxury. Both these things are major things in my opinion but how often do with think about them.

I lost two friends I went to school with words can’t describe the feeling that was rushing through my body when I heard the news that they had passed away. I was heartbroken to the fact the two people I used to see on a daily basis were no longer with me on this planet. Seeing the pain on their families faces was something I do not want to go through again, people taken away so young and full of life without any warning; but would it make any difference if someone you was close to or a loved one told you that they were going to die and leave you forever? Me personally I don’t think it would make difference because at the end of the day they would still be going and there would be nothing you can do about it. i look at my lost ones as an early calling from God taking them to heaven and I remind myself that we will meet again and that they are very much alive in my heart and they’ll never fade away.

Nobody wants to see somebody they know die but we live in an era where young teens are having their lives cut short due to gun and knife crime which we all know is wrong but for some insane reason it continues. It’s like people don’t understand the casualties that have already been caused by this and the people that have been victims to this; it will just continue to be one big cycle with no ending unless we put a stop to this. Stop and think before you feeling you’re going to do something reckless because not only are you putting yourself in danger but other people as well.

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Thoughts

19:27 mickz 0 Comments

Do you ever feel like 'Life' is trying to squeeze you out of existence? Where everything you try and do never quite goes as you've planned; then you're there thinking about what other might be thinking about you. which then leads you to questioning everything decision you may have made and where it was ever the right one to make in the first place.

Right now I can honestly say I'm in limbo...not knowing where to run and hide; stuck somewhere and in need of help. Sometimes I will question my faith and whether or not God actually listens to me when i cry out his name in my deep prayers. My mind is plagued with all sorts of doubt at the moment, even with people who sincerely care about me and supporting me with every decision I make I still wonder is it all enough to get me through my current situations that I am facing.

 Romans 8:18 - For I consider that the sufferings of the present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. 

When I feel closed up and find that I have nowhere to run to since my faith is in question I turn to the scripture in the bible that is above (Romans 8:18). It gives me great hope and lifts up my faith and also reminds me that God is doing great things in my life or what I like to now say he has already prepared great things for me and he just wants me to have faith in him and through that, I will start to see and work towards them. So I've learned to give thanks to him every day for what he has done for me and what he is about to do for me because we tend to forget that he Is God and he can change our lives if we call upon him and have faith in him and his word.

The thoughts I've had tonight you would think I shouldn't have if I have so much faith and belief in God and his scriptures but what you tend to forget is that I'm Human and having doubts in life is a human thing. Its just trying not to lose sight of what you believe in is what I feel is the hardest part of being human because another thing that will influence your thoughts is what people or should I say "Society" thinks or says in and around you, but that is for another day or night alone with my thoughts.

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Introducing Me

16:41 mickz 0 Comments

Hello guys and welcome to my blog...I go by the name Mickael but many call me Mickz...I Live in London well North London to be precise...I am a 20 year old male that is always thinking about new ways to express myself as I have a very wild but creative mind...I enjoy all kind of sports, watching cartoons and also thinking which I know sounds rather unusual...My Page will mainly be expressing my inner thoughts that I would like to share with the world as will other bits and bobs that interests me...So I hope you enjoy this journey.

You can find me on Twitter by searching up @Humble_Mickz 




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