13:59
Where do I even begin…?
I don’t know why I feel the need to say this but
I just want to start by letting you know, this isn’t the norm for me. I mean…
situation-ships have never appealed to me or made much sense. Yet here I am
with my nails anchoring them selves deeper into his flesh thinking… well that’s
the thing there wasn’t much room for thought when it came to him.
Was this his plan all along?
As uncertainties rushed through my mind, met
with an encore of untimely twitches in my thigh I was reminded just how easily
my body gives in to him. Him being Jason
We had been speaking for a few months mainly
aimless chitchat nothing seedy, as on the off chance I do talk to guys ‘like
that’ I hate giving off a loose impression. I literally like keeping myself to
myself. Yes I have friends but I love my own company. I get attention from boys
but I know it’s because of my bum, which is annoying even though my friends
call my really pretty face Chelsea.
The first time I met Jason, as hot as he was,
he didn’t phase me. Not that I disliked him, but he was my least favourite out
of his batch. The awkward, speak when spoken to type. So when he asked for my
number I didn’t think anything of it. Just standard procedure, I’m rubbish with
my replies so I assumed he’d get bored very quickly. Major plot twist he didn’t
get bored and I found myself talking to him for months. He asked to come round
and chill with me a few times but I always made excuses but for some reason on
this day I said yes that’s when it all begun….
“Coming!” I shouted at a higher pitch than
expected, whilst trying to make sure everything was in place before tending to
the door. As I opened the door there he
stood with his grey tracksuit staring straight at me…so I stared back. First
his plump lips, which had a natural, glisten to them. Then my eyes slipped to
the bulge of the muscle between his neck and his shoulders through his unzipped
hoodie and deep V-neck tee.
“Am I allowed in then?”
“Huh? Yeah of course follow me” I replied as
I turned sharply and headed up the stairs to the main door to my apartment
He smiled, then walked in and stood next to
my bed just taking in everything in plain sight. My studio is quite spaced out
so I guess there was a lot look at from my family pictures, posters and things
I like to keep.
“Can I sit down here?”
As much I didn’t want him on my bed I had no
choice but to say yes since there were no chairs.
“Sure make yourself comfortable” I said
whilst walking back to the other side of the bed setting a strategic distance
between us two.
Honestly at this point I was kicking my self
for replying a bit too honestly to his “WUU2” text, I didn’t know what to do my
palms started feeling sweaty, the speed of my heart beat increased, I just
wanted to scream and shout. Catching him staring at me brought my mind to a
halt…at this point I said the first thing that came to my head.
“What happened to 5pm huh,” I asked him
“Yeah about that sleep crept up on me and I
took a nap, 9:30’s a stretch but since you’re off tomorrow I thought you
wouldn’t mind ” he replied with a grin on his face. I didn’t know whether to
believe him or not but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
“So what film have you got for us to watch?” I asked gingerly even though I hate watching
films but what else would we do.
“hmmm…okay let sign into my Netflix account
and choose something” he responded assertively. I don’t know what it was but I
started to feel some sort of tension but shrugged it off.
The film he chose was Titanic, a bit random,
but I’ve watched it a few times one of the few films I can bare so I didn’t really
question it.
30 minutes in and things are going well
nothing out of the ordinary. He asks me if he can move in closer because he
can’t see the laptop properly and I think nothing of it so I agree. He is now
literally in my personal space but my eyes are fixated on the screen.
“Are you okay?” He whispered into my ear
I felt a sudden rush of warmth take over my
body, a flutter in my gut, the tipping point. At this point all I could muster
was a nod and a cracked “mmhmm” and I couldn’t even get both actions to be in
sync.
He wasn’t buying it at all and edged closer
towards me, my heart started racing, I tried to shift away but the back of my
hand grazed his dick! The shock was all over my face and yet I kept my hand
there. When did it get so…hard? I should have pulled my hand away but I didn’t.
I swallowed, once, but my mouth kept filling
up with saliva over and over
“You sure everything is alright, you seem
like you’ve seen a ghost” he replied with a cheeky grin on his face.
“I’m fine,” I murmured, my voice barely clear
“What about after this” he slowly said and
simultaneously leant in towards my neck and I could feel his hand opening the
button of my jeans and sliding his hand down my tensed stomach, slowing down as
he reached my navel and journeyed straight to where it has been locked away for
so long.
My body was ready to give into him but I was
screaming in my head because I knew this wasn’t right yet it felt so good
“W-w-we shouldn’t be…. doing this” I forced
through my whimpers.
I’m here
trying to fight off this feeling but I can feel the reign of logic slipping
away and my body slipping under, its like the weight of his body on mine let
him soak deeper into me before he even entered.
Then there was the roughness of his
fingertips grazing my pulsating clit. He started off rubbing softly at first,
finding a gentle rhythm … before I could
get familiar with it a moan left my mouth. I wish I didn’t do that…
Triumphantly, he leant in slowly, never
breaking eye contact and whispered in my ear “Do you like this” his fingers
picking up pace
“Y- Y-Yess I do” I replied whilst nodding. My
lips grazing his neck met with a sample of how he tastes. I was slipping under;
my body craved Jason, My mind already restless with thoughts of him pulsating
inside me. I’m literally crumbling in anticipation!
“Watch me.” He orders, I’m bewildered as he
pulls away, I don’t even know where to fix my gaze until his dark pupils
command for my attention.
“I can feel you… Your… Oh. God!” I moaned as I felt his hard dick pressed up
against me. My mind was going crazy, I didn’t even notice that he had finally
relieved me of my jeans and was progressing in taking off my thong.
He spreads me flat on my bed, gets on top of
me and starts to tease me with his dick against my clit, whilst he watches my
face as I opens my mouth to gasp from the touch but there is no sound. He eases
my wet lips open with his tip. I shiver from anticipation my voice finds its
way back to me in time to rejoice with a long groan as he slowly
slithers/glides inside me.
“mmmh Jason! Yes” I scream out loud as he
thrusts in and out of me slowly and then fast.
“You like this shit yeahhh..?” He groans
“Yeahh! So don’t you dare cum.”
For a split second I regain the reigns of my
movement and I push him off of me, tell him to lie down and slowly I get on top
of him and mount on to his rock hard dick. As my walls readjust I increase my speed.
He begins murmur things competing with my moans and the thuds of my heart.
All I could think is “ I just need I take him
in, all of him”
“Oh Ja-a-son I think I’m going to cum!”
“Me too!’” he says in anguish
Where do I even begin…?
I don’t know why I feel the need to say this but
I just want to start by letting you know, this isn’t the norm for me. I mean…
situation-ships have never appealed to me or made much sense. Yet here I am
with my nails anchoring them selves deeper into his flesh thinking… well that’s
the thing there wasn’t much room for thought when it came to him.
Was this his plan all along?
As uncertainties rushed through my mind, met
with an encore of untimely twitches in my thigh I was reminded just how easily
my body gives in to him. Him being Jason
We had been speaking for a few months mainly
aimless chitchat nothing seedy, as on the off chance I do talk to guys ‘like
that’ I hate giving off a loose impression. I literally like keeping myself to
myself. Yes I have friends but I love my own company. I get attention from boys
but I know it’s because of my bum, which is annoying even though my friends
call my really pretty face Chelsea.
The first time I met Jason, as hot as he was,
he didn’t phase me. Not that I disliked him, but he was my least favourite out
of his batch. The awkward, speak when spoken to type. So when he asked for my
number I didn’t think anything of it. Just standard procedure, I’m rubbish with
my replies so I assumed he’d get bored very quickly. Major plot twist he didn’t
get bored and I found myself talking to him for months. He asked to come round
and chill with me a few times but I always made excuses but for some reason on
this day I said yes that’s when it all begun….
“Coming!” I shouted at a higher pitch than
expected, whilst trying to make sure everything was in place before tending to
the door. As I opened the door there he
stood with his grey tracksuit staring straight at me…so I stared back. First
his plump lips, which had a natural, glisten to them. Then my eyes slipped to
the bulge of the muscle between his neck and his shoulders through his unzipped
hoodie and deep V-neck tee.
“Am I allowed in then?”
“Huh? Yeah of course follow me” I replied as
I turned sharply and headed up the stairs to the main door to my apartment
He smiled, then walked in and stood next to
my bed just taking in everything in plain sight. My studio is quite spaced out
so I guess there was a lot look at from my family pictures, posters and things
I like to keep.
“Can I sit down here?”
As much I didn’t want him on my bed I had no
choice but to say yes since there were no chairs.
“Sure make yourself comfortable” I said
whilst walking back to the other side of the bed setting a strategic distance
between us two.
Honestly at this point I was kicking my self
for replying a bit too honestly to his “WUU2” text, I didn’t know what to do my
palms started feeling sweaty, the speed of my heart beat increased, I just
wanted to scream and shout. Catching him staring at me brought my mind to a
halt…at this point I said the first thing that came to my head.
“What happened to 5pm huh,” I asked him
“Yeah about that sleep crept up on me and I
took a nap, 9:30’s a stretch but since you’re off tomorrow I thought you
wouldn’t mind ” he replied with a grin on his face. I didn’t know whether to
believe him or not but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
“So what film have you got for us to watch?” I asked gingerly even though I hate watching
films but what else would we do.
“hmmm…okay let sign into my Netflix account
and choose something” he responded assertively. I don’t know what it was but I
started to feel some sort of tension but shrugged it off.
The film he chose was Titanic, a bit random,
but I’ve watched it a few times one of the few films I can bare so I didn’t really
question it.
30 minutes in and things are going well
nothing out of the ordinary. He asks me if he can move in closer because he
can’t see the laptop properly and I think nothing of it so I agree. He is now
literally in my personal space but my eyes are fixated on the screen.
“Are you okay?” He whispered into my ear
I felt a sudden rush of warmth take over my
body, a flutter in my gut, the tipping point. At this point all I could muster
was a nod and a cracked “mmhmm” and I couldn’t even get both actions to be in
sync.
He wasn’t buying it at all and edged closer
towards me, my heart started racing, I tried to shift away but the back of my
hand grazed his dick! The shock was all over my face and yet I kept my hand
there. When did it get so…hard? I should have pulled my hand away but I didn’t.
I swallowed, once, but my mouth kept filling
up with saliva over and over
“You sure everything is alright, you seem
like you’ve seen a ghost” he replied with a cheeky grin on his face.
“I’m fine,” I murmured, my voice barely clear
“What about after this” he slowly said and
simultaneously leant in towards my neck and I could feel his hand opening the
button of my jeans and sliding his hand down my tensed stomach, slowing down as
he reached my navel and journeyed straight to where it has been locked away for
so long.
My body was ready to give into him but I was
screaming in my head because I knew this wasn’t right yet it felt so good
“W-w-we shouldn’t be…. doing this” I forced
through my whimpers.
I’m here
trying to fight off this feeling but I can feel the reign of logic slipping
away and my body slipping under, its like the weight of his body on mine let
him soak deeper into me before he even entered.
Then there was the roughness of his
fingertips grazing my pulsating clit. He started off rubbing softly at first,
finding a gentle rhythm … before I could
get familiar with it a moan left my mouth. I wish I didn’t do that…
Triumphantly, he leant in slowly, never
breaking eye contact and whispered in my ear “Do you like this” his fingers
picking up pace
“Y- Y-Yess I do” I replied whilst nodding. My
lips grazing his neck met with a sample of how he tastes. I was slipping under;
my body craved Jason, My mind already restless with thoughts of him pulsating
inside me. I’m literally crumbling in anticipation!
“Watch me.” He orders, I’m bewildered as he
pulls away, I don’t even know where to fix my gaze until his dark pupils
command for my attention.
“I can feel you… Your… Oh. God!” I moaned as I felt his hard dick pressed up
against me. My mind was going crazy, I didn’t even notice that he had finally
relieved me of my jeans and was progressing in taking off my thong.
He spreads me flat on my bed, gets on top of
me and starts to tease me with his dick against my clit, whilst he watches my
face as I opens my mouth to gasp from the touch but there is no sound. He eases
my wet lips open with his tip. I shiver from anticipation my voice finds its
way back to me in time to rejoice with a long groan as he slowly
slithers/glides inside me.
“mmmh Jason! Yes” I scream out loud as he
thrusts in and out of me slowly and then fast.
“You like this shit yeahhh..?” He groans
“Yeahh! So don’t you dare cum.”
For a split second I regain the reigns of my
movement and I push him off of me, tell him to lie down and slowly I get on top
of him and mount on to his rock hard dick. As my walls readjust I increase my speed.
He begins murmur things competing with my moans and the thuds of my heart.
All I could think is “ I just need I take him
in, all of him”
“Oh Ja-a-son I think I’m going to cum!”
“Me too!’” he says in anguish
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#1, please change your b/g or text colour please it was hard to read on my laptop
ReplyDelete#2, maja
#3, use a jimmy
As a black romance novel fans to I can truly say I'm impressed with the short. It's hard to incorporate the millennial style of romance and situation-ships with this style of writing and still be subtle and tasteful. Kudos
ReplyDeletethank you for your feedback i really appreciate it
DeleteNetflix & Chill done right
ReplyDeleteOkay I'm guessing you like writing so I'll give you honest advice. I've worked in an editing and publishing house and adore literature. I hope this doesn't come off as rigid, disdainful criticism since your story is actually very good and you might have found a niche in the erotic writing market and get your stuff published. I just presumed that you might want to better yourself, even though you're off to a really good start.
ReplyDelete1) Descriptions shouldn't flow in and out of dialogue style. 'It's like my body was....' is casual, dialogue-like language. Try to say things like 'my body felt like it was...'.
Unless you want to write as a diary entry, in which case that would be perfectly fine.
2) Your dialogue sentences can be a bit long, which makes them sound awkward and unrealistic. Everything typed as dialogue should sound like something you would say in a normal conversation and which wouldn't feel strained.
3) be careful with the vocabulary you use in 'crucial' moments. For instance, you said 'grazing' a couple times in slightly off context. Something 'grazing' on a girl's clit could be absolute agony! Grazes are wounds, you know. Sliding/Rubbing/Gliding/Running against would involve the element of slight, teasing touch in a more realistic manner.
4) your story's interesting, try capture more things about your characters, like their features, their personality etc for added realism.
5) don't rush your descriptions, or setting the scene. this will aid in making the story stand on its own, without the plot's climax.
Hope this helps, keep writing and keep reading and yeah, well done xx
Love the post. Similar to stuff I write. Just wondering why you write in a female voice...xx
ReplyDelete