Mickz

I can’t for one second imagine what she has been through. I watched her as tears raced down her cheeks uncontrollably.

“I’m so sorry”, I said as I wiped the tears from her cheeks.

I was slowly filling up with rage; I started to wonder what gave her uncle the right to touch her?

“No! Don’t be sorry you haven’t done a thing Dan”, Sarah said out loud looking directly at me.

“I know but…”

“No buts, you couldn’t do anything and either way I didn’t tell you so you can feel sorry for me”, she said irrupting me.

I was surprised with that comment, she has never spoken to me with such intensity before but I could tell this was an issue she was just relieved to get it off her chest so it pleased me that she could come confide in me.

“I understand I’m sorry… So what happened to this uncle of yours?” I asked curiously.

“Umm yeah that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about Dan…” she said as her facial expression changed yet again; I knew straight away that it wasn’t good news.

“I’m going to make this very short, brief and the only other person that actually knows about this is Jamie,” She said softly without looking at me in the face this time.

“Yeah sure,” I replied back

“Well I’m sure you do not know but I have a boyfriend and he’s great and everything but lately things have been bad. He hit me and I fell on my wrist; I’m really scared right now and on top of that my uncle's been phoning me but I refuse to pick up.” She said with a painful look in her eyes.

I just looked on at her as a single tear slid down from her eyes, followed by another one and another one until a steady stream of tears began to flow down her cheeks ruining her makeup but she made no sound just silent tears.

I could feel myself boiling up with rage; every word that she had just said to me began to replay in my head, which was only fueling the rage that was burning inside of me. I was pissed off with Jamie for not telling me she had a bloody Boyfriend, the fact that this guy laid his hands on her I wanted to kill him and kill her uncle for having the cheek to call her after what he had done all those years ago.

“Why are you so quiet?” She murmured.

“Oh umm, I’m just very shocked, literally lost for words,” I said trying not to show my anger.

“I think it’s best I go now … I am sorry for dropping this on you like this.” She said whilst wiping her tears away and fixing herself up to leave.

“It’s fine totally fine … it’s what I’m here for right?” I said, hesitantly

“Honestly Dan any girl would be lucky to have you,” She said with a smile on her face followed by a tight hug and with that she walked out of my house into the darkness of the streets.

I pressed my face into my pillow and let out a loud roaring sound. I felt like a volcano erupting; rage pouring out of me like monstrous waves. I had already made my mind up about what I was going to do but how I was going to go about it was the hardest part. What gets to me the most out of everything she said to me was that she knew I would be a great boyfriend so I wonder why she is with him and not me.

All this thinking began to make me tired, it was getting very late as well so I decided to leave this hell I was currently living in and sleep everything off.

Weeks passed by since I last saw Sarah and it felt like a couple months had passed since I spoke or saw Jamie which had me worried but I was still pissed off at him for not letting me know Sarah had a boyfriend.

There were a few weeks until Christmas; I wanted to be jolly for the festive season after all that has happened to me but I just couldn’t do it. I looked outside my window, everything looked miserable the perfect way to sum up my life. The girl of my dreams has a boyfriend and I’m still a virgin with a messed up family.

“Daniel! Are you deaf!” My mum shouted at the top of her voice as she stormed into my room

“Chill man I couldn’t hear you,” I replied

“Wait do we look like the same age for you to speak to me like that? Have some manners or I’ll beat it into you.”

“Sorry, sorry won’t happen again,” I said without hesitation as I saw my mum’s vein about to surface.

“Well, why are you still at home don’t you have college?” She asked curiously.

“Oh no, we broke up for Christmas holiday’s now.” I blurted out with confidence.

“Okay well invite Sarah and Jamie over I’m cooking tonight,” She said

“Okay, I’ll call them and see if they can make it,” I said reluctantly.

It was odd that my mum was cooking and even more odd that she seemed normal so I knew something must have happened.

After a while of procrastinating I called Sarah and messaged Jamie. Sarah was thrilled since she hasn’t seen me in a long while but as for Jamie I got no response.

A few minutes later my phone rang and it was Jamie shouting down my phone.

“Yooo! Bro, it’s been like forever man what’s up?”

“Yeah I’m good. Did you get my message if so come by later tonight around 7/8pm.” I said in an agitated tone to my voice.

“Why you talking like that you sound bare off bro! Anyway yeah, I’ll be kind of late just going to a girls house to do a few things.” He said cheekily.

I knew he was going to sex it was obvious that’s all he knew.

“Yeah do your thing, roll thafe (safe),” I replied.

“Wait why are you talking like you have a lisp? Are you Fool? No, wait you’ve been watching that hood documentary thing I bet.” He laughed out loud.

“Yeah, it’s a bad habit now but yeah later tonight,” I said then hung up straight away.

Talking to him started to make me feel angry again like temper was slowly starting to consume me so I had to just hang up. I have to keep in mind that it’s not all his fault but the way I was no I couldn’t careless.

The day went onwards before I knew I realised it was already time for the dinner. Sarah came at 7 pm on the dot; I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was so disarmingly unaware of her beauty, skin complexion completely flawless, skin glowed in a way that she could light up any dark room she entered. The way she smiled and laughed it’s impossible not to do that same back in return.

“Dan what are you looking at? Is there something on my face?” She asked.

“Haha nope there isn’t; I was just looking at how good you look that’s all,” I replied looking at the floor and fidgeting making sure I didn’t make any eye contact with her.

“Aww, you’re too cute,” She said with excitement as she hugged me.

Dinner was going great it was like a mini family but without Jamie, as he hadn’t arrived yet. I just thought he’s fucking the girl he went to see and lost track of time since it wouldn’t be the first time he did something like this.

“Dan, check where Jamie is he’s missing out on your mum’s mac and cheese,” Sarah suggested.

“Nah let’s finish the food, it will teach him to come on early next time,” I said with a devilish grin on my face.

“Go call the boy now Daniel.” My mum said assertively whilst rolling her eyes.

“Ok! Ok, I was only joking.” I stood up and went to my room to retrieve my phone and saw that I had eight missed calls and I didn’t recognise the number, so I called it back.

“Hello North Middlesex Hospital, what is your emergency.”

“I’ve just had eight missed call’s from this number and I am wondering why?”

“Sorry, can we take your name, please.”

“Daniel”

“Sorry full name please?”

“Daniel Adebayo… Wait what is going on here?”

“Hold one moment please”

“…..”

“Hello Sir, it’s PC Andrew Coffins on the phone. Unfortunately, we have a Jamie Josephs who was on the receiving end of a stabbing but is now in a stable condition.”

“Jesus, what do you mean he was stabbed? When? Where?”

“Sir could you please calm done for a second! We would like you and your mother to come down to the hospital as he has listed you as his only family.”

“Ok! Yes, be right there.”

My heart dropped as I hung up the phone I couldn’t believe it. I had so many questions but only Jamie could answer them so I had to head off to the hospital. I darted back into the dining room and broke the news to everyone; I couldn’t be asked to wait for their response, my friend was seriously wounded and I had to be by his side.

“What are we still doing here let’s go!!” I shouted

“Let me get my car keys.” Replied my mum as she rushed to her room to get them and her belongings.

“Sarah I think it’s best you wait for us here I don’t want you seeing him in the state he is in and I don’t want you going out home alone,” I said assertively.

“Yeah you’re right,” She answered.

Now in my mum’s car whizzing off to the hospital; I couldn’t help but think that my life was about to take another turn for the worst. So from this day onwards I’m putting my foot down and not going to tolerate any more bullshit.

Dear, Jay

Yes, I’m still referring to you as Jay because that’s all I know…well did know.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I have sat with my fingers balanced over these keys, gazing at a clear screen in light of the fact that it pains and saddens me so much to get everything I’m about to say off my chest.

It’s just over a year since my accident happened. I Thank God every day for allowing me to come out of it; I then remember the reason why It happened to begin with and having to live with that every day I am alive.

I ask myself every day did I love you too much? Did I say something out of line? Was I just not good enough for you? Then realise that you were and are just scum.

I won’t shed any more tears for you! I won’t starve myself because of you! My life no longer revolves around you…The man no, the little boy who stabbed me through the heart.

The pain you have caused me these past few months is unforgivable…The things I let myself do just to fill that missing space that you used to fill makes me sick!

When I saw that you had posted the birth of your daughter on Facebook I literally died inside. Suddenly my whole body was drenched with rage. Numb, I could not feel anything around me, my eyes were fixed on this new child that had been brought into the world. Everything then went silent and the only thing I could hear was the sound of my heart throbbing.

Remembering moments later that I had Chelsea’s note with her number with it I decided that I’d call her in a few days and in doing so to my disbelief she told me everything that had happened and it all made sense.

How could you Fuck her then come back to me a few hours later to Fuck me did you not respect me enough? It makes me sick to my stomach that I was apart of this all. All the lies that you told me honestly I hope you rot in Hell.

The psychological trauma you caused me because all I knew was to love you, take care of you and make love to you and the fact that it was all taken away so suddenly I had to go find it elsewhere.

All I wanted to do was feel loved even if it wasn’t real love; I let almost any and every male that approached me have a bite of my forbidden fruit until one guy made me realise the hard way that fucking every male to fill that void you left wasn’t the way to deal with things.

You’ve turned me into this broken mess, you fucked up my confidence, and I remember every single word you said, I remember how you made me feel like something special but look what you went on to do.

I had a day where I totally lost myself; I set out to do the unthinkable…

I stood across the road from your house; your front room lights were switched on so I saw everything that was happening. There she was your baby girl in your arms crying. The sky was dark and low; the air so chilled it hurt to breathe. Already the ground was laid white with frost and any water that had been liquid under the winter sun had become ice. I continued to look onwards as I saw Chelsea walk into the front room towards you with a baby bottle with what I presume was warm milk. Just seeing you two together made my stomach turn upside down with disgust but weirdly enough it made me happy to see you stepping up and playing your role as a father.

I placed my left hand over my mouth, the other rigidly clutching my stomach, my eyelids shut so tightly they began to fidget and shudder from the bullish force, as if the very corner of my eyes were being pricked with a needle, crying silent tears that ran down my cheeks because I knew if not for that accident I had that would have been me and you with OUR BABY!

Yes, I was PREGNANT Jay! I had no idea until the nurse came back with tests results for me telling me that the baby was lost due to the nature of the accident I had.

Can you for one minute imagine how I felt? To then realise that you would be having a baby with someone else just made me want to commit suicide; I didn’t want to live anymore Jay…This is what you done to me!

It feels like emptiness in your heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow takes over and holds your soul and threatens to kill you entirely unless you do it first. It gives you this heavy feeling that’s like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders and there is nothing you can do to get out from under it.

I hope when you’re reading this you realise that I had your back 100%. I was down for you and your cause there was nothing I wouldn’t do for you and you know this so how you through it all away for some Netflix and Chill session I will never understand. Realise this letter isn’t for you or to make you feel bad but just letting you know that I’m finally over it all.

I’ve realised my worth, and there is now someone new in my life that I am looking to take seriously. Yes, I do still love you but did the unspeakable; I’m not sure if the love I have for you will fade away or not but I do know it’s about time I start being happy again and move on with my life.

I wish you all the best in life Jay you and your daughter because if I’m being honest Chelsea can go fuck herself even though I have nothing against her but she still fell victim of the most obvious male scumbag move by accepting your ‘LET’S CHILL’ offer.

From The One You Let Slip Away,

Rochelle xxx

It was a boring evening; I was sat on my bed looking for films to watch when I heard my mum call out my name.

“Sarah! I’m going out to work, your uncle is coming over to pick up some stuff as well so listen out for the door.” She shouted, from downstairs.

She always did late shifts at the hospital so I was always by myself until the early hours of the morning. Before I could ask what uncle was coming over, I heard the front door slam shut. I’ve never met any of my uncles let alone any other family members before so I had no idea what to expect. As time went on I started to wonder if this uncle even existed because it was getting really late and I didn’t like leaving my room after a certain time.

I started to imagine how he would look; I pictured an old man, with a beer belly with an added accent. I started to laugh to myself when finally I heard the doorbell ring. Like I would always do I would race down the stairs missing two steps at a time it was just something I did from young.

When I got to my front door I looked through the peephole and saw a man leaning back and forth as if he was going to fall over.

“Who is it?” I said with my voice slightly raised so they could hear me clearly.

“It's me henry, I’m here to pick stuff up” he replied in a slurred manner.

My mum did say my uncle was coming to pick stuff up so that was enough for me to open the door for him although I felt like something wasn’t right but I ignored it. I opened the door and there stood the man I had pictured, well without the added accent and he looked fairly young roughly early 30’s.

“Wow! Look at you Sarah you have really grown up; I remember the last time I saw you was when you was born. Now you’re a fine beautiful young girl.” He said whilst inspecting every inch of me, which did make me feel uncomfortable to say the least.

I could also smell the strong alcohol from his breath, which made me keep my distance from him but enough for him not to notice that I was doing so.

“Oh, you were there when I was born I had no idea, my mum hasn’t really mentioned you before sorry,” I replied back.

“Yes, me and your mum haven’t been on the best of terms to be frank not surprised but we are still family,” He said whilst stumbling and catching his balance at the same time.

At this point, I just wanted him to leave he was clearly intoxicated and needed to get home.

“You okay uncle henry?” I gently asked even though I knew what was up. I just wanted to speed things up now so he could leave.

“Yeah just feeling a bit dizzy, I’m going to get the stuff your mum left me and head off home don’t want to be a bother.”

When I heard him say that I was relieved, I showed him where the stuff was and went back upstairs to my room and left him to it. Once I got back in my room I decided to put on more layers of clothing on as I was only wearing shorts and a vest, which was kind of revealing.

It was now 30 minutes to midnight and I could still hear noise coming from downstairs. It's been almost an hour since my uncle had come and he hadn’t left yet so I began to wonder what he was doing but me thinking about it didn’t last for long as I heard footsteps coming upstairs. It sounded like someone who'd been in some armed service or something; there was a marching quality to it.

Without any warning my door swung open with a loud thumping noise, which made me jump.

“Oh wow I don’t know my own strength there I apologise if I scared you I should have knocked you could have been naked as well.” He laughed cheekily.

“Okay, don’t worry about it. Are you leaving now?” I said asked assertively.

“Yeah I am leaving now, thought to come and give you a hug goodbye.”

I put my laptop on the desk next to my bed and got up to receive his hug. As he approached me he tripped over his own leg, fell on top of me and that caused me to fall back on the bed with him firmly on top of me.

I couldn’t understand what was currently going on, the confusion was immense.

His large body covered mine; I couldn’t move an inch.

“You’re hurting me!” I shouted

He didn’t take any notice of what I just said, he was just murmuring things in my ear for a few minutes but I couldn't make out anything he was saying. He started to run his mouth in between my hair, I felt like I was his prey and that he was about to pounce on me any moment. Then heard unbuckling sounds come from his belt which made my heart increase with speed; I could literally feel as if it was going to jump out from my chest. His hands now started to wonder and found itself underneath the big top I had put on and was firming grasping my breast.

“Get off! Get off me!!” I screamed out loud.

There was nothing within reach of me that I could use against him and even if there was I couldn’t move to actually hit him with it. I continued to attempt to struggle to move my body off from him then that’s when a fierce slap rippled against my face.

I was speechless; he just hit me across the face. I was couldn’t move, I didn’t flinch the shock had left me lifeless with tears rolling down my face.

He pulled my joggers and shorts right off my body leaving me in my knickers as he pulled down his trousers and boxers to his knees revealing his boner hovering over me.

Next thing I know, he has ripped off my knickers and began to shove his dick inside of me.

“Please stop! Why are you doing this?” I screamed.

I felt as if he has just torn my private parts like a piece of paper. The pain was too much to handle for me but he wouldn’t stop no matter how much I cried out. He had taken away my innocence and there was nothing I could do about it.

“Ahhhhh nice and tight just how I like it.” He moaned.

His nails began to sink deeper into my arms through the top I was wearing he was about to climax. He pulled his penis out from me fast, which hurt and all that could be seen was, blood all over his penis and that’s when he covered my stomach with his semen.

“I needed that oh God!” He cried out with a loud moan.

I just lay there with streams of tears flowing down from both eyes.

“Why you crying? You’re a big girl now, 16 if I remember right? This was going to happen eventually.” He snapped at me.

I wiped my tears and went silent.

“This will stay between you and me. Don’t you dare tell your mother about our passionate sex session.” He said assertively.

What he said confused me even more, he just made it seem as if I wanted what just happened. It was not passionate it was RAPE. I was so scared I didn’t know what to do; I didn’t know what he was capable of doing.

“I’m off now, tell your mum I said thank you. Oh yeah I’m taking these knickers as well” he smirked

He left my room, then a few second later I heard the front door slam shut.

“Argh!” I groaned as I tried standing up but I just couldn’t.

I waited a few minutes, gathered up the little strength I had left in me and proceeded to pick up my joggers and put on my shorts as he had ripped my knickers and taken them with him.

I then gingerly walked to the bathroom next to my room muttering, “God what did I do to deserve this?” I locked the door and pulled down my shorts to see blood everywhere; I sat on the toilet seat to urinate and when I did it really stung me, I was in a lot of pain. My arms now had purple prints scattered across them like a disease all from him digging his nails into my arms. It hurt to touch them but I knew I had to clean off the dry blood.

I slowly and gently removed my top and vest all be it my arms we in excruciating pain. I walked over to the bathtub and ran myself a hot bath to clean myself up. Stepping in was the most devastating thing I had felt more painful than the rape itself. It felt like the water had exposed every inch of my body that was in pain.

I cleaned in between my legs and scrubbed off the dried blood ever so slowly. I couldn’t stand being in the bath any longer so I came out. My legs felt shaky and could not support my body yet my head was the only thing that was feeling heavy. The pain was rushing through my body like an igniting fire. My eyes squeezed closed as my face contorted. I turned around I looked at the huge mirror, I couldn’t recognise myself.

I dragged myself back to my room; I just wanted to wake up from this nightmare already. I got in my bed, put the covers over my head and cried myself to sleep.

I couldn’t take my eyes off her; she removed everything she was wearing I was in awe. My dick was rock hard, she came to where I was sitting on the bed and pushed me back so I had my back against the bed.

“Now let me take control!” she grinned, as she unbuttoned my jeans.

Seconds later she had my dick grasped in her hands. She had this cheeky grin on her face, I felt like she was teasing me with suspense. She then slowly started to lick the tip of my dick, which caused me to flinch. I wasn’t quite sure if it was due to the alcohol in my system or not. Her mouth opened and she slowly put my dick in her mouth and began sucking. This was a feeling like no other, “oh shit!” I murmured.

She looked up at me and I looked back down at her. I felt a real connection with her at the very moment.

“Do you like this, Dan-baby?” she whispered after she took my manhood out from her mouth.

I didn’t say anything, I wanted to, but I just couldn’t come out with the words.

“Come! Fuck me like you want to kill this pussy!” She moaned as she fingered herself in front of me.

Suddenly flashbacks of the previous night swamped my mind. The dead body lying lifeless on the floor, carrying it to the park, the blood! It all became too much for me to bear, my stomach contracted so violently I had no time signal for her to move out of the way. Next minute you know she was getting splattered with a creamy liquid substance.

“OMG!!! WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU” she screamed!

She was covered in my vomit. I couldn’t believe it, but I was too drunk to really do anything about it right there and then. I stood up but then fell back against the bed; I was completely out of it. The room started to spin around; I covered my eyes with my hands.

“I-i-it wasn’t my fault I didn’t want to kill your pus-pussssy like I killed that man.” I slurred

“What are you on about now? I can’t believe what you just done! ARGGH! I’m getting my things and leaving!”

“Noo lose me my virginity!” At this point, I was making no sense as my mind started to slowly drift away at the sound of her voice.

“Just great a virgin just my luck, last time I fuck with a fuck boy Jamie owes me big time!”

The next Morning, I was welcomed with a disgusting hangover. I had fallen asleep fully clothed, well my trousers and boxers were down past my knees. I needed to get home and freshen up, but I couldn’t get the antics I had done last night out of my head. It’s so embarrassing that one I’m still a virgin, two I threw up on her and three…”Oh, shit!” It hit me that I told her that I killed someone, what If she went straight to the police or something. My brain was going into overdrive, I got up instantly forgetting that I had a hangover pulled up my trousers, but without my consent I fell back down on the floor. The Hangover had other plans for me, which didn’t include me going home just yet. As I become one with the floor I could see the traces of vomit and a lot of tissues which was obviously from the girl. The fact that I didn’t know her name made everything worse in my eyes. After 30minutes of trying to get myself together, I finally got up and left.

On Saturdays, my part of London is always quiet especially in the mornings so running home was no big deal, as nobody would see me especially in the state I was in.

I burst through my house door on arrival, looking for my mum.

“Mum! We’ve got a problem.” I shouted, as I entered her room huffing and puffing from the lengthy run I just did.

“What is it now boy! Can’t you see how early it is.” She yawned.

“We were drunk last night and I told someone I killed someone.” I quickly replied.

“Slow down I can’t make out a word you’re saying.”

“I told someone what I done here!”

“You did what argh! I’m getting sick and tired of cleaning up after you. Does Jamie know?”

“No, I haven’t told him yet.”

“Good, I'll have a word with him about the girl then ill handle it. I’ll call in my favor at the station as well” she said in her irritated voice.

“Okay, mum thanks.”

I wish I knew what she meant when she said she’d handle things, but I trusted her so I let it be. The day went relatively fast, I spent my day eating, trying to nurse this hangover. Sarah messaged me asking to talk, it seemed important so I was now just waiting for her to come over. I loved when it when we were alone in the room, I felt like we had a real unbreakable bond, but I could never get the courage to ask her out. She would always disappear off somewhere, but I never questioned it maybe I should just like the bruise on her wrist. When she finally got to my house, we just stuffed our faces since that’s what I was doing anyway. I was genuinely happy, it was a while since I felt this way nothing was going to ruin it.

“Sarah chill! The way you’re eating you are going to choke on your food.” I joked

“Leave me haha food get’s my mind off things. In fact, there’s something I wanted to tell you but promise me you won't say a thing.” She said assertively, whilst looking into my eyes.

“I promise!...you should know me by now,” I said as poked her chest, carefully avoiding her breast.

“Ouch! That hurts!” she cried out.

“Oh, my days sorry didn’t mean to do it so hard” I apologised, holding both hands in the air.

“No it's not your fault, I mean…Well okay, I'll just show you.” Her facial expression changed, she looked like she was moments away from breaking down. She lowered her top to reveal two huge bruises on her chest just above her breast.

“What the fuck! How did that happen, Sarah?” I shouted.

Tears started rolling down from her face, I didn’t know what to do or say. I just wanted to know how she got those bruises; I wiped away the tears that had now ruined her make up.

“I can’t believe I’m crying, I promised myself I wouldn’t…Well what I’m about to tell you I haven’t told anyone else but don’t say anything until I’ve finished telling you the story from beginning to the end,” she said as she composed herself.

I knew what she was going to say was not good news, but I couldn’t for the life of my figure out what it was apart from she was getting abused of something at home.

“Okay basically….When I was 16 I was raped….” She paused.

My eyes widened at disbelief I couldn’t believe what she had just said I didn’t even what to know anything else but, I knew I had to be strong for her so I carried on listening.

The next morning, I woke up thinking everything that had happened was a dream. Jamie wasn’t in the room, which gave me hope that it was well until I came out my room, walked past the kitchen and saw the knife on the kitchen table cleaned up of all the blood. I took a deep breath in and out again, dragged my feet to the bathroom to have a shower and get ready for college.

Normally Jamie would come to mine then we would set off to college together but that wasn’t happening today for obvious reasons.

“Mum! I’m off!” I shouted as I slammed the door shut.

I took the back route towards college; I wanted to avoid the park at all cost.

“BIRTHDAY BOY!”

I recognised that voice, it was Sarah and her early morning bubbly self. She greeted me with a hug and a card something that I was not expecting because I even forgot it was my birthday.

“Fix your face! Why do you look like that it’s your birthday!” She shouted as she saw my dull facial expression.

“Errm I’m just tired didn’t get much sleep,” I said softly

I wasn’t anywhere near tired really; I just couldn’t get the image of that man lying dead on my mum’s bedroom floor out of my head. We continued to walk to college, sadly neither me, Sarah and Jamie were in the same class so I knew today was going to be a long day.

As I predicted the school day was long! There were no signs of Jamie being in today. Sarah and me spent our break and lunch together, often I wonder why she hung out with me she was so pretty and I was well I was just me. All the boys wanted a piece of her, I would just stand there and watch whilst they try and chat her up.

“Getting any of that birthday sex today Dan.” Sarah blurted out as we walked home together.

I knew I wasn’t getting any birthday sex, in fact, I was still a virgin but she could never know this. Jamie was the only person that knew, he’s always offering me girls to fuck but I always refuse. I had this dream of my first time being with Sarah.

“Who knows anything is possible,” I replied back.

I knew it wasn’t possible deep down inside. Whilst walking Sarah I noticed she kept on rubbing her left wrist, which I found unusual.

“What’s up with your wrist,” I asked

“Oh-oh, nothing just a small bruise from cooking,” She said nervously, as she lowered her sleeve to cover the bruise.

Instantly I knew something was up but I didn’t want to pester her so I left it. After dropping her home I made my way home, to my disbelief as soon as I got to the top of the road I saw a dozen police cars and from a distance I saw the park where we dumped the body was covered in blue and white tape.

“Arghh Shit!!” I said to myself, my heart started racing rapidly, my body became hot instantly and there was only one thought going through my head “I can’t go to prison.”

I started to run home, never have I ran so fast in my life; even ran faster than last night when getting chased. Things didn’t get any better once I got to my road; a police car was parked outside my house. I inhaled and exhaled tried to regain my composure then power walked towards my house.

Now outside I reached into my pocket to get my keys when the door opened and I was greeted by a police officer leaving.

“Hello, young man, you're back from school.” The officer said looking me directly in the eyes

“Yeah, college. What’s going on here?” I asked.

“Just had to ask your mother a few question regarding an incident not too far from the house.”

“Oh, I see,” I replied back

With that said they left and went on their way. My body was shaking; I didn’t know what to do everything was a total mess.

“Are you going to shut the door or not Daniel?” Mum blurted from the front room.

I shut the door and went into the front room and sat down on the sofa ready to ask my mum an onslaught of questions.

“What did they say? Where is the knife? Am I going prison?” I said with so much panic in my voice

“Relax! They’re asking everyone in the neighbourhood questions not just us. I took care of everything so quiet down.” She said in her irritated voice

**Phone Vibrating**

Jamie was calling me, which was weird because he never called me, in fact, he never called any male he thought it was gay to talk on the phone to a male.

“Oi get to my house quick.”

With that said, the phone hung up on me without any warning. I thought I would shower again before heading out since my body was heated from all that running up to my door.

A short time later at around 7 pm, I walked to Jamie’s house not thinking why he had called me there but whether or not the guy I killed had a family or kids. It was self-defense and I was helping my mum so I can’t feel sorry for myself forever. I Got to Jamie’s place and the door was open and lights were off.

“Jamie you home?” I shouted as I closed the door behind me.

As I switched on the lights all that came echoing in was, “SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!”

There stood Jamie, Sarah and two other random girls. I was speechless literally I didn’t know what to say I was not expecting this surprise after everything that has happened.

“My Bro! You weren’t expecting this was you.” Grinned Jamie

“The look on your face is priceless Dan!” Sarah laughed

“I hate you guys man haha, how did I not realise this was going on,” I said in disbelief

Nobody had done something like this for me before in all my years of living; I was overwhelmed but I wouldn’t allow myself to cry. As the night went on we were all playing games and drinking even the two girls I’d never seen before. Everyone was having a good time.

“Ahh dam look at the time, I need to get going I’ve got work in the morning,” Sarah said

I didn’t want her to leave, I wanted her to stay with me throughout the night but I was in no condition to walk her home as the alcohol started to take over. She didn’t really drink so she was okay. Jamie called her a cab then off she went.

It was almost midnight and my birthday was coming to an end. It wasn’t how I thought it would be but it turned out to be better than I ever expected.

“Dan the man I’ve got one more surprise for you. Get into the spare room and just wait there for a few minutes.” Jamie said in a cheeky voice.

I staggered into the spare room and waited for what was going to happen…..

Moments later one of the girl’s two girls that I didn’t recognise came into the room and shut the door behind her. I was so confused with what was going on but the alcohol in my system didn’t allow me to voice my concerns. This was the first time I noticed the female as I was paying attention to Sarah the whole night. This girl was about 5’7, big breast and bum. Her body was quite petite, her skin colour was chocolaty, and hair was jet black.

“Have you enjoyed your night so far?” She asked me in a seductive tone whilst walking towards me on the bed where I sat.

“Ye-yeah I have.” I just about said as I was now starting to find it hard to form any sort of sentence.

“Okay well now just let me give you your last birthday gift,” She said as she started to slowly unbutton her shirt revealing just how big her breast was.

My heart was racing, my head felt woozy but I knew what was about to go down….

Jamie is something else he actually went out of his way to hook me up with birthday sex so I could lose my virginity; I was going to become a fully pledged man.

“You like this cock don’t you? Tell me you like it bitch.” A deep voice shouted from inside the room.

“Yes, I do love this cock.” My mum moaned back

**Door Creaks Open**

“Who’s this little kid?” The voice sharply said.

“Daniel shut the fucking door and go to bed,” She said in shock.

That was the first time I saw what mummy did, at the time I was 10 years old. Things changed drastically ever since my dad died in a car crash 2 years ago as well as mummy losing my baby sister before she was born due to depression. I’ve just seen her change over the past years I don’t recognise her, she smokes now and brings different men home for extra cash to pay the bills. I hardly see her anymore, I’ve realised that just like my dad and baby sis my mum is dead too.

I was on my bed counting down the remaining few minutes until my 18^th birthday with Jamie and Sarah they were my closest friends.

Sarah was already 18, 5’5 tall, dark skin with long natural hair. She was the smartest out of us. I had a crush on her but I would never tell her, the only person that knew was Jamie. Jamie was 19 a year older than all of us, 6’1 tall, mixed raced with blonde curly hair; he got loads of attention from the girls because of his hazel eyes.

As for me, I was 5’9, brown skin with black hair and skinny but not skinny even though I have no clue what that means but that’s what people say I am.

“Are you feeling nervous Dan?” Jamie asked as he nudged me

I shook my head whilst trying to concentrate on playing Fifa.

“It’s not everyday Fifa sometimes switch it up,” Sarah said, kissing her teeth and rolling here eyes back.

**Doors Slams Shut**

“I think your mum is home,” Jamie said.

I stood up to go check, making sure I closed my room door behind me. I’ve never told Jamie or Sarah about what goes on in my life they just know my dad died in a car crash. So them seeing my mum with different men would just eat me up inside.

“Where have you been? It’s like 15mins until my birthday and who is this prick? You can’t do this to me not on my birthday fuck no.” I shouted, as i tensed my jaw and clenched my fist.

“Wait through that door ill be with you in a second,” She said to the strange looking man.

“Now look don’t take that tone with me boy, who do you think you are? I should beat some respect into you. I was out at dinner, I didn’t forget about your birthday, I am here aren’t I?” she snapped, with vein’s surfacing on her neck as she raised her voice.

“Yes but never mind, I’m going to go sleep at Jamie’s house don’t want to interrupt you tonight,” I said then stormed off back to my room.

“Ok! Well happy early birthday, ill have money waiting for you tomorrow.” She said, whilst dragging her feet across the floor and into her room before slowly shutting the door.

I was soo angry how could she bring over a man to fuck on my birthday. My hate for her was building up each time she neglected me. I wonder at times if she even remembers that I’m her son and that we’re all that each other has left.

“Yo Jamie I’m sleeping at yours tonight yeah,” I said

“Yeah cool but what about your mum?” he asked, cautiously.

“Don’t worry about her,” I replied back. Knowing what she was getting up to was making me angrier and it started to show so I just pack a few things I needed and headed out with Sarah and Jamie.

Jamie lived on his own since he was 18 after his mum kicked him out. I still don’t know the reason why till this day but it’s not any of my business so I left it.

Now outside me, Sarah and Jamie were literally counting down to my birthday.

“Woo! 30 seconds left till you’re on my level.” Sarah shouting whilst dancing on the pavement

“You’re legal now bro haha.” Jamie laughed out loud.

“Jheeze its Midnight, Nigga I’ve made it!” I shouted at the top of my voice.

Sarah came to hug me and even gave me a kiss on the cheek, which had me wanting to jump around with joy, but I had to keep composure. We reached Sarah’s road after a few more minutes of walking. She lived 15mins away from Jamie so we kept it moving as soon as we reached her door as it started to get cold.

We had been walking for about 8mins, for some reason we saw a navy blue BMW car drive past us twice, which was very odd, but I didn’t really think much of it.

Jamie was on the phone to God knows who’s, but I knew it was a female, I don’t know how he kept them all happy but he did.

“Oi fucking dickhead!!” A deep voice came from behind us.

“Don’t turn around dan, I’ve been set up just keep walking when we reach the lamppost in front of us run and follow me,” Jamie whispered.

I couldn’t believe this was actually happening to me on my birthday of all days. I was so confused but I didn’t want it to be the last birthday I experienced. As we reached the lamppost Jamie began to run and that set me off as well. I didn’t know where I was going I was just following him. I was breathing heavily, the wind was beating against my face, and I just wanted to stop to take a breather. We had been running for almost 3mins taking left and right turns; Jamie then looked back then started to stop running.

“I think we lost them,” He said, huffing and puffing.

“What the fuck was that all about man?” I said assertively, whilst looking up and holding my waist trying to catch my breath.

“Listen I'll explain later,” He said whilst trying to catch his breath.

Jamie didn’t know but all the left and right turns he took led us right back to my house, which was annoying. However, we had no choice but to head back to mine, as it was not smart to go back to where we had come from. I wanted answers to what just happened as well.

“We’re back at mine again, we might as well stay the night here instead of yours,” I said reluctantly. This was the last place I wanted to be right now but we had no other choice.

“Yeah you’re right,” He said whilst looking behind him then left and right. You could tell he was paranoid.

Now back home I went straight to my room with Jamie, I could hear my mum’s bed shifting and knew instantly what was going on so I turned up the music so Jamie would notice.

“Chill here whilst I get a drink,” I said

My facial expression could tell a story right now. I was not happy at all I was full of rage, this is the worst birthday I could have possibly hoped for and things could only get worse I thought to myself. Now in the kitchen pouring myself ad Jamie some juice I hear my mums voice but can’t make out what she is actually saying at first until I hear her the second time.

“No, I don’t like that! Stop it!” I heard my mum scream

“Shut up you stupid bitch! suck my dick.” A husky voice demanded.

Without thinking, I picked up the knife closest to me and stormed into my mum’s room. There stood the man who had walked into the house with my mother. Only this time he was naked and grabbing my mum’s neck. Without any hesitation, as I approached him he somehow managed to knock me to the floor with his huge arms and the knife I was holding dropped.

“What you trying to kill me fool? Do you know who I am? I own your whore of a mother!” he said arrogantly in laughter.

Now having put my mum down he was focused on me. He picked me up by my neck, I was gasping for air. His hands were probably the same size as my head times two. I started to feel dizzy wondering how Jamie couldn’t hear all of this. My eye’s started to wonder and that’s when I saw his balls hanging out, that’s when I lashed out at it with my legs.

“Argh you fucking little,“ before he could finish off his sentence, I managed to regain my breath and shove the knife that I brought with me into the room into his lower back. I then watched him drop to the ground with the knife still planted in his lower back.

“What have you done!!” she screamed

“What do you think, I’ve just stopped him from hurting you and killing me!’ I shouted.

Jamie came darting out of the room; he was in shock at what he could see in front of him. I was shaking as it hit me what I had just done.

“Dress him up! Now we have to carry him to the park and drop him there.” My mum said with a nervous look about her.

I was frozen I didn’t move or respond to what she had just said. My body became cold and I started to feel nauseous.

“DO YOU WANT TO END UP IN PRISON? DRESS HIM UP, TAKE OUT THE MONEY FROM HIS WALLET AND ILL DEAL WITH THE KNIFE.” She said angrily, whilst trying to stand up and assess the situation at hand.

Her tone of voice vibrated through my body and woke me up. Jamie lent me a hand and together we managed to take the knife out, and fully clothe him as well. Mummy washed the knife and removed the fingerprints.

The only task at hand now was for us to take him from the house to the park making sure nobody saw us.

“Okay, I'll go and check if there’s anyone out there so you guys can carry the body out,” Jamie said.

My mum and I nodded; Jamie went outside to check nobody was around. He called my phone and said everything was okay, so we proceeded to carry the lifeless body outside. I wasn’t the strongest and my mum was only 5’6 so it really was a battle to drag the body out of the house let alone her room.

“Don’t stop, our future especially yours is on the line here.” She kept repeating

“We wouldn’t be in this mess if you knew how to keep your legs shut.” I murmured

“What did you say boy?” she asked ferociously

“Nothing!” I said as my heart picked up in speed.

“You think I’m proud of this? I do what I do to put food on your plate after your father died I was dumped with a whole load of debt so don’t you go and judge me.” She said with tears rolling down her cheeks.

I couldn’t understand her pain but I could see her pain through her eyes. We were still dragging the body through the alleyway. A few minutes later we reached the park where Jamie was waiting for us. We put the body on the park bench and power walked it back to the house, shutting the door and also putting the latch on it as well something that never happens in this house.

“So now what happens?” Jamie asked

“You two forget that this ever happened and go back to your normal lives that's what’s going to happen. Not a word to anyone about this.” She said whilst wiping the tears from her face.

“Agreed!” I said followed by Jamie as well.

My mum went off to her room to clean off the blood from the wooden floor. Jamie went off to sleep in my room; I went to the toilet to wash my face. I looked up at the mirror in the bathroom and I couldn’t recognise myself, felt like my innocent was gone, I was full of anger I wanted to beat the shit out of someone. Who knew turning 18 would bring so much change; is this what it means to be an adult? If so then I wonder what else is in store for me.

Now back in bed, feeling tired after tonight’s antics.

“Yo Jamie don’t forget to tell me about why you got set up in college!” I said as I drifted off to sleep

“Yeah just remind me.”