Mickz

My heart was racing; I began to feel sweaty and hot, I knew I had to get out of there before he could make out where the sound came from. Being 5’8 means I have long legs for a girl, so speed walking away was relatively okay until I made the mistake of glancing back and saw him looking right in my direction.

I’m not sure if he saw me, but it couldn’t be helped I had to make sure I wasn’t seeing things. My body was so hot; I could feel the sweat patches underneath my arms, I kept on wiping my clammy hands on my top. I was confused with no idea what to do with myself, but I continued speed walking and thinking how could he have kept this a secret from me after all these years.

After stopping to take a breather, I looked around me to see where I was. Yet again I found myself in an area I didn’t know, my only option was to get an Uber cab home.

It didn’t take long for the cab to come, I calmed down whilst I was being driven home. Only though that was racing through my head, was how to confront him or should I wait for him to tell me.

I am now 25; I met John when I was 20. Before I met him I was an angry child always getting into fights. The last fight I was in, I just remember there being blood on my knuckles and bruise above my left eye. Apparently I almost killed the girl I was fighting but I can’t really remember. John is the reason why I decided to cool down and change for the better, I love him so much, and it’s just that he doesn’t know about my crazy past, or that my dad is a police officer.

Finally the car parks, I get out, run indoors and head straight for my bed. I fall onto my bed with my face looking upwards. Uncontrollable tears started sliding down my face, my nose became runny, and I just needed my dad to hold me tight then tell me everything was going to be okay.

After staring into space for a good 15minutes the loud buzzing sound of my phone brings me back to reality. I didn’t want to pick it up so I let it ring out, but it kept on ringing and ringing to the point where I could feel myself getting annoyed. I went through my bag to get my phone to see 4 missed calls from John.

My heart started beating rapidly; I was so scared beyond belief, could it be that he saw me in the park? I was losing it literally, and then the phone rang in my hand. I literally froze for a few seconds before answering.

“Sandra! Where have you been?”

“….”

“Hello? Am I talking to myself?”

I literally froze, I didn’t know what to say but I had to say something quick before he noticed something was up.

“I’m here! I’m here! I just woke up properly stop raising your voice.”

“Sorry, but have you seen the time? It’s almost six I’m picking you up soon.”

“I’ll be ready quick I promise darling!”

“Okay then that is fine and also, I could have sworn I saw some that looked just like you today.”

“Oh is it? Where was this?”

“Near a park, you could have twin.”

“I doubt I do. Babe, I know this is random but how do you feel about children?”

“Hate them man so annoying…why?”

“No reason just wanted to know.”

“Shut up.”

“Wait what?”

“No not you sorry my little cousin is being a brat…but have to go now see you at 9pm”

As soon as the phone went dead, I felt a sudden rush of rage take over me. He just lied to me; everything he said over the phone was completely different to what I saw with my own eyes. I was intoxicated with emotion I had no intention of ever feeling, but how am I supposed to confront him about this?

I decided to go ahead with whatever he had planned, as well as thinking up a way to confront him. I was ready by 8:15pm, which for me is pretty fast considering I started getting ready at 6:30pm. He arrived at 8:30pm with flowers, chocolate, and a big card. I was grateful but I was still hurting, to be honest, I just wanted to stab him in the neck but that wasn’t the type of person I am anymore.

“I hope tonight makes up for all the Valentines I’ve missed,” He said with a big smile on his face.

“Yeah it will I can tell already, it’s going to be a night we both won’t forget,” I responded knowing that this night would change the dynamic of our relationship. I really want to stay with him but if he has a child that means there’s a mother and I can’t be involved in that because I’ll really kill a bitch!

We sat in silence for a bit waiting for the cab he called. When the buzzer rang he told me to put on my shoes and that he’ll be waiting in the car for me.

As I put on my shoes I heard John shout out “Gloria wait!” followed by a loud bang noise. I hurried to the front door to see what was going on, and then to my shock I saw John on the floor with blood flowing from his body. My body froze I didn’t know what to do. I looked up at the door and I saw a woman in all black standing right opposite me with a gun.

“So you’re the Bitch that’s fucking my baby daddy!”

There he slept, so peacefully inhaling and exhaling life as it swept all around him. The sunlight shone brightly through the oval window, lying on the tiled floor like sweet honey. I’m never awake before 9am but my excitement seems to have gotten the best of me today.

John and I have been together for 5 years, but this was the first time we’ve been together on Valentines Day. He normally spends it with his mother who’s in a care home, but this year she’s told him to spend it with me instead. I guess she feels bad for me, but I never minded because he always made it up to me the following day.

Time feels as if it’s stopped, I don’t want to be awake so early on my own. I nudge him softly, but he doesn’t move a single bit. I run my hands across his body from his chest and slowly going down towards his waist. His eyelashes start to flicker, I now know what I’m doing is working, I continue going lower until I’ve got his sleeping penis in my hand.

I’m so busy trying to get him and his penis to wake up, I don’t notice his eyes have opened and he’s staring right at me.

“You enjoying that yeah.” He says every so smoothly catching me off guard, but I can’t look at him in the eye I’m too shy, so I just nod. His left arm reaches for my thigh and he starts to caress them ever so slowly just how I like it. I feel his penis growing larger and larger in my hand; I look at him from the corner of my eye whilst angling my head backwards, I know what’s about to happen so I shut my eyes surrendering my body for him to do as he pleases.

John takes both hands and spins me, so now I’m on top of him, my heart is beating fast. Our eyes are locked together; suddenly everything around us disappears, as I look deeper into his brown eyes. He raised his head to kiss me softly; his hand is encircling the circumference of my bum, which makes me gasp. All of this was drawing me in ever so slowly; I could feel myself getting moist.

My legs started to quiver rapidly, I just wanted him to be all up in my already. Suddenly a loud beeping noise erupted out of nowhere, It was very close by to the point I thought I would go deaf.

“Oh shit, I need to get ready!” John said in a hurry.

“What do you mean get ready?” I said, whilst huffing and puffing as he rolled me back onto my side of the bed.

“Umm … I have to go pick up your surprise.” He said as he shot out of bed and into the bathroom.

“At 9:45am in the morning?” I said with a straight face.

“It will be worth it ,” He said as he gargled. 30minutes later he was gone, not before telling me to make sure I’m ready at 9pm.

The day progressed ever so slowly, it was now three in the afternoon and I still hadn’t heard from John. I didn’t want to be stuck at home bored, horny or alone, so I decided to go out and walk about. The weather was gorgeous, I didn’t realise how far I had walked until I realised I didn’t know where I was. There was a nearby park, so I decided to find a bench since my feet started to pain me. There were so many couples having picnics, I was so jealous because I had no idea where my Valentine was. I was slowly getting annoyed watching all these couples enjoying themselves, so I turned my attention to a man and a little boy playing with a Frisbee.

After looking at them for a while, I started to become intrigued as to how much the man looked like John. I could feel my curiosity getting the better of me with each passing minute until I couldn’t take it anymore; I had to know if that was him.

“JOHN!!” I shouted out loud into the distance.

Then to my disbelief, I saw him turn around quickly in a circle…….

I'd been waiting for the morning for so long that, I barely believed my eyes when I woke up to my window rattling. The ray of sunlight beamed through the gap through the window almost blinding me. After a few moments, I regained my vision and saw the local kids up to their usual disturbances as they went to school.

“Oi! If see you guys making trouble outside my window again I swear I’ll come after you.” I shouted out loud

“Shut up smelly haha,” A voice said whilst scampering away.

I wouldn’t let these kids get away with ruining what I’d been looking forward to for ages. Today I was going to fuck the life out of Whitney after putting in so much work for months. She has the whole package, pretty face, big breast and huge bum. She’s a good girl who knows what she wants, but I’m not looking to settle down anytime soon.

I decided to take a shower because I wanted to look fresh for this evening. I recently got them new showers, they’re voice command, but I don't want to chat with my shower. Give me Grime and running hot water, that's all I want. As the hot water beat against my skin and dropped by my side, my mind faded into dullness and everything became a foggy illusion. The sensation of the steamy water calms me; it takes my mind off things. Then again I can’t help but think about my life up until this point. Being kicked out my house, living on the streets and dad going jail is something not a lot of people can say they've come out of okay.

After coming out of the shower I made myself breakfast, but me being greedy I made too much for myself. My phone started to vibrate on the table, saw Dan’s name come up which reminded me of the nasty mess he left in the other room. I can’t believe he vomited, but at least, he lost his virginity. I waited a few minutes before I called him back.

“Yooo! Bro, it’s been like forever man what’s up?” I said

“Yeah I’m good. Did you get my message if so come by later tonight around 7/8pm.” He replied back, but he seemed annoyed over something.

“Why you talking like that you sound bare off bro! Anyway yeah, I’ll be kind of late just going to a girls house to do a few things.” I cheekily said. He knows me well enough to know what I was really going to do I didn’t have to say.

“Yeah do your thing, roll thafe (safe),” he answered back. I was so confused with that response because it really wasn’t him.

“Wait why are you talking like you have a lisp? Are you Fool? No, wait you’ve been watching that hood documentary thing I bet.” I laughed out loud.

“Yeah, it’s a bad habit now but yeah later tonight,” he said. The phone went silent immediately, which meant he had actually hung up on me. The little idiot didn’t even let me get to ask about Paige. I haven’t heard from her in ages and neither has her sister, which is very weird.

I chilled for the remainder of the afternoon, playing my PS4 and smoking my weed. I inhaled slowly; my system was responding to the smoke, it felt like a warm blanket was wrapping my lungs. Taking small, slow puffs I felt delighted, there really was no feeling like this well after I ejaculated.

Unsurprisingly I lost track of time, it was now 5 pm and it was pitch black. I hated how during winter it got dark early, and because of the incident that happened during Dan’s 18^th birthday, everything made me very paranoid. Anyway, that couldn’t hold me back, so I got ready to go to Whitney’s place.

The air was damp and cool smelling faintly of a car's exhaust fumes. My Area just didn’t smell good at all, thankfully Whitney lived close by so getting there wasn’t too much of an issue apart from the many lefts and right turns you had to take. As I was walking I heard rustling sounds coming from behind me but when I looked back nothing was there. Wasn’t sure if I was hearing things so just to be on the safe side I went and stood in a little gap that I saw ahead of me to see if anything comes out or moves.

Whilst I sank in the shadows, I heard numerous footsteps and voices coming along.

“I could have sworn I saw him, come this way.” A deep voice said whilst moving around from what I could hear. I tried to take a look, but I could hardly see a thing it was too dark.

That’s when I heard footsteps chaotically spaced from the last, no rhythm at all very close to where I was standing. Whoever it was lacked confidence, and is likely scared. I started walking backwards knowing that I had to get myself out there until I heard a voice say, “Don’t move!”

My heart was beating fast; I had no idea what was going to happen. From the way they approached me, I knew they were scared/nervous and probably didn’t want to be here so my first thought was to reason with them. With my back still faced to them I said, “Whatever they’ve told you to do, you don’t have to go through with it.” I said, in the hope they'd listen to me but things just didn’t go how I would have wanted it to.

“Marvin over here, I’ve found him!” he shouted out loud.

Without a moment to waste I turned around and punched the person in front of me but it was too late four other bodies had surrounded me with nowhere to run away to. Everyone was dressed in black with their hoods up so it was impossible to make out who was who until one of them unflinching, unblinking, came up to my face. A handkerchief mostly masked his face, but I could tell he was the leader of the group.

“Do you know how long I’ve fucking waited to catch you since that night you got away from us,” he said in a menacing voice whilst I watched on trying to piece together what I had gotten myself into. Then it hit me that he’s the guy that chased Dan and me in the car.

“Whatever she has told you, she’s-“

Before I could even finish my sentence I took a heavy punch to my stomach. I was gasping for air, I didn’t see it coming. I fell to my knees clutching my stomach.

“You fucking dickhead, I know everything. Don’t try and lie to my face, I know you fucked her.” He said assertively. I couldn’t even reply back to him I was in too much pain. All that was going through my head was that his girl had really lied about the whole situation. I didn’t know she had a man until he came back to her house one day; I had to jump through the back window to escape before he saw me. She wouldn’t even acknowledge what she done when I called her to get an explanation. So I cussed her out, so this is her revenge for that I guess…fucking bitch.

“You’re a dead man you know that right nigga! Remember this face because it’s the last face you’ll be seeing.” He said as he removed the handkerchief from around his face and revealing his face from underneath his hood. My eyes couldn’t open wide in enough to get a great look but I did see he had dreadlocks and his skin was black a night.

I began to receive vicious kicks by everyone around me. All I could do was cover my face in the hope it would all end soon. Until I felt something penetrating my flesh.

“Arghhhhhhhhh.” I cried out loud. Not knowing what exactly had just happened to me but I was in serious pain.

“Marvin! Fuck this wasn’t a part of the plan let’s get out of here now!” Somebody said in total shock. Sounds of footsteps running away into the night are all I heard, I was too scared to open my eyes and see what damage had actually been done to me.

I’m not sure how long I stayed on the ground floor, but the pain that once burned like a fire had faded away to an icy numbness. Suddenly it had become very hard for me to breathe. I then heard voices, it seemed like they were very concerned with what had happened to me. I could lip read and managed to make out the word stabbed. I managed to take a glimpse of the ground beside me only to see blood flowing from me. Flashes of my life just appeared in front me; this was it I started thinking. I’m really going to die right here and all because of a lying bitch of a female what a way to go out. Oh well, I still fucked her good.

BACK TO PRESENT DAY.....

“Yeah so that’s pretty much how it all happened Dan you happy now,” Jamie asked me sarcastically.

“Piss off man! Obviously, I’m not happy I know what happened now, but I’m full of rage at the same time.” I said trying to not let my anger spill out. If Jamie didn’t center his life around females this kind of shit wouldn’t be happening.

Later that evening Me, Jamie and Sarah decided to have a movie night at mine. Sarah was in shock even after Jamie had told her some of the details as to what had happened. She kept stopping the film to ask if he needed anything and if he was okay.

“Are you sure you’re alright Jamie,” She asked sincerely.

“I’m fine, you’re starting to sound like my mum,” Jamie said whilst trying to use my PlayStation 4 remote to restart the film again.

“Soo how’s your Boyfriend Sarah everything good!” I asked. I don’t know what came over me to ask her this especially because of what she told me about him, also the fact that Jamie doesn’t know that I know made things tenser.

“He’s fine thanks for asking!” She said back to me whilst lowering her said and fidgeting with her fingers.

Jamie didn’t make a sound or move an inch. His facial expression said it all, he didn’t expect me to know this, it was obvious. The room was silent for another couple minutes until a loud banging noise broke the silence.

“Saved by the bell! Well, banging noise.” Jamie said with relief on his face.

I didn’t get up to go see who it was until another banging noise, louder that the first one echoed through my room.

“Erm aren’t you going to see who that is mate?” Jamie asked

“Yeah go check it out, Dan,” Sarah said.

Reluctantly I got up to go check my front door. As I opened the door I saw Andrew the police officer that was talking to my mum at the station and two more police officers with him. I was confused as to why they were here.

“Hello! Is Jamie inside?” Andrew asked aggressively.

“Yeah you know he just got out of hospital today and is staying at mine,” I responded

Jamie popped out of nowhere with Sarah holding him upright. “What’s going on I heard my name.” Said Jamie.

“Jamie Sanderson you are hereby under arrest in connection to the murder of Paige Littles. You do not have to say anything, but it may harm your defence if you do not mention when questioned, something which you later rely on in court. Anything you do say may be given in evidence.” Andrew Stated vibrantly.

We finally pulled up outside the hospital. I bolted through the pathway that led inside to the hospital; I couldn’t care less who I barged into, all I wanted was to get to Jamie. I approached the counter shouting at the receptionist to tell me where Jamie was.

“Sorry sir can you please calm down,” asked the receptionist.

“Just tell me where Jamie is you’re wasting my time for fuck sakes” I replied furiously.

“Calm down, what’s the issue over here?” A voice from behind me said.

I had no intentions of turning around to check where that voice came from until I felt a firm grip on my shoulder. As I turned to check who it was I heard my mum’s voice echo through the hospital “Andrew get your hands off my boy.”

“Cassandra wait this is your son?” Asked the voice as I moved away from him to have a better look only to realise it was the same officer that was at my house asking my mum questions.

“Yes, that’s my son. Don’t you remember?” She said angrily.

“Oh! Yes, I do remember now! Apologies, but there seemed to be some sort of disturbance here.” He said assertively, as I now tried to look over the receptionist desk for Jamie’s name.

I was getting very agitated because I was not getting the information I so desperately wanted. It was then that I saw a nurse with a familiar jacket so I rushed towards her.

“Hey, does that jacket belong to someone called Jamie by any chance?” I asked with hope in my heart.

“Yes as a matter of fact I’m going to give it to him now,” She said softly whilst clutching the jacket.

I didn’t think to tell my mum she seemed occupied with Andrew. So I followed the nurse to where Jamie was being held. As we walked down the corridor, I kept looking into each of the rooms by the corner of my eyes. I hated hospitals so much ever since I saw the state in which my dad was in after his fatal car accident. My heart started pounding so hard against my chest, hands started rattling in fear, but I had to give off the impression that I was okay.

“Here we are,” said the nurse as we finally reached the front door to where Jamie was. She opened the door and went in first then I followed, but to my surprise there was a police officer there with him as well.

“Are you Daniel by any chance?” asked the police officer in a very assertive manner.

“Yeah that’s me” I replied back as I watched Jamie as he was fast asleep peacefully.

“Good because I need to jet off now he's fine, no need to worry the wound isn’t too deep he just needs plenty of rest now that he’s been stitched up.” He said.

“Thank you very much,” I said in my sincerest voice.

“I’ll be off now, I’ll be back to ask him more questions at some point.” He said as he left the room, the nurse followed him out before placing the jacket on a chair nearby. After they left I went to sit on the chair; I just felt so helpless, but all I could do is wait for him to wake up and take things from there.

“I think he’s waking up now.” A voice said.

My eyes took in every ray of light and without a doubt I know I had fallen asleep as it was the early hours of the morning. My muscles felt weak, just like my energy. I let out an agitated sigh, then groan as I stood up from the chair to stretch.

“Oh shit! Jamie.” I said out loud. For a minute, I forgot about where I was, but as my vision cleared up I saw Jamie sitting up against the bed talking to my mum.

“Watch your language.” My mum snapped at me.

“Yeah Dan watch your language,” Jamie said as he laughed at me.

“Are you okay? How long was I asleep for? What time is it?” I yelled out loud, I was so confused as to why everyone was so calm and relaxed it didn’t sit well with me.

“Daniel calm down you’re not helping the situation here, please.” My mum said whilst giving me her not impressed face look.

“Yeah, Dan calm down,” Jamie said cheekily with a grin on his face. Even in his situation, he was still being his laid back self, trying to get underneath my skin.

“Argh! Jamie stop this isn’t a joke!” I said huffing and puffing out of annoyance.

“Auntie can I talk to Dan alone for a few minutes, please,” Jamie asked my mum politely.

“Okay, I’m going to go have a smoke outside.” With that said my mum left the room.

The silence of the room made my blood as cold as the winter air that crept through an open window. Not a sound could be heard either close at hand or in the far off distance. Even my own breath seemed to die as soon as it left my mouth. I clenched my fist and my jaw rooted, “So are you going to tell me what happened?” I said trying to keep my composure.

“There’s nothing to tell to be honest it is what it is,” He said ever so calmly which just made me snap!

“What the fuck do you mean there’s nothing to tell? How can you really say that? Is this all some kind of joke to you?”

“Oi don’t talk to me like I’m some little kid, watch yourself, little man,” Jamie said with a fierce look in his eyes.

I just wanted to understand what was going through his head at this present time but he wasn’t giving anything away.

“Okay cool my bad, but what are we going to do…in fact, what actually happened?” I questioned him.

“Haha! There is no we, I’m not getting you involved.” He said assertively

“You’re in no condition to tell me what I can do or can’t do and stop dodging the question man tell me how you got stabbed.” I barked at him. I think he could tell I wasn’t joking, and that I was really serious about getting to the bottom of this situation.

“Okay, okay I get it man, and I’ll tell you later today when I get discharged from here. I don’t trust these police officers they could have a secret recording somewhere listening to us right now.” Jamie said with so much paranoia on his face as he started looking around the room for anything unusual.

I could tell that this stabbing was going to change him. He was always going to be on edge but can you really blame him.

“Oh yeah before I forget have you heard from Paige?” Jamie asked as he adjusted himself against the bed frame.

“Umm, who is that?” I replied with a lot of confusion.

“The girl man! The one you fucked at my house remember?” He said

I instantly remembered whom he was talking about although I didn’t know her name Jamie telling me her name now and thinking I fucked her means she hasn’t spoken to him about what happened.

“Oh yeah! Paige, I don’t know, I haven’t seen her since that night,” I said this with the straightest face possible trying to give the impression I didn’t care about her at all. After all, she was just a one-night stand.

“That’s weird then because I haven’t heard from her since then, and why did you tell your mum about her? She phoned me asking where she lived and etc.” Jamie said as he coughed and held his lower ribcage area.

“Long story but you take it easy, for now, okay, we’ll continue this when you’re back at my house,” I said as I helped him get comfortable again.

It was a very long wait for him to be allowed to leave the hospital, but eventually, he was given the all clear and we were allowed to take him home. When we arrived back at my house I helped Jamie into my room and onto my bed. I then strolled into the front room to see Sarah fast asleep on the sofa.

Her innocence was plastered across her face as she slept. At peace, her consciousness swirled in the land of dreams, oblivious to what had been going on lately between Jamie and me. It was for the best we kept her out of it for if anything happened to her things wouldn’t end well. I shut the front room door gently trying not trying to wake her up.

My mum went to her room to rest her head; I went back to my room to get Jamie’s side of things.

“Good you haven’t fallen asleep on me,” I said as I enter my room to Jamie sitting up with his serious look on his face.

“Yeah do you want to hear this or not?” he replied, without blinking or moving an inch, just with his head looking towards the ground and hands on his head.

“Yeah go on…” I said with an intense look on my face because yet again like Sarah’s story I knew I was going to feel a certain way after hearing what was about to be said.

“Okay! Before I start, bro you can't trust any of these bitches believe me….”

I can’t for one second imagine what she has been through. I watched her as tears raced down her cheeks uncontrollably.

“I’m so sorry”, I said as I wiped the tears from her cheeks.

I was slowly filling up with rage; I started to wonder what gave her uncle the right to touch her?

“No! Don’t be sorry you haven’t done a thing Dan”, Sarah said out loud looking directly at me.

“I know but…”

“No buts, you couldn’t do anything and either way I didn’t tell you so you can feel sorry for me”, she said irrupting me.

I was surprised with that comment, she has never spoken to me with such intensity before but I could tell this was an issue she was just relieved to get it off her chest so it pleased me that she could come confide in me.

“I understand I’m sorry… So what happened to this uncle of yours?” I asked curiously.

“Umm yeah that’s another thing I wanted to talk to you about Dan…” she said as her facial expression changed yet again; I knew straight away that it wasn’t good news.

“I’m going to make this very short, brief and the only other person that actually knows about this is Jamie,” She said softly without looking at me in the face this time.

“Yeah sure,” I replied back

“Well I’m sure you do not know but I have a boyfriend and he’s great and everything but lately things have been bad. He hit me and I fell on my wrist; I’m really scared right now and on top of that my uncle's been phoning me but I refuse to pick up.” She said with a painful look in her eyes.

I just looked on at her as a single tear slid down from her eyes, followed by another one and another one until a steady stream of tears began to flow down her cheeks ruining her makeup but she made no sound just silent tears.

I could feel myself boiling up with rage; every word that she had just said to me began to replay in my head, which was only fueling the rage that was burning inside of me. I was pissed off with Jamie for not telling me she had a bloody Boyfriend, the fact that this guy laid his hands on her I wanted to kill him and kill her uncle for having the cheek to call her after what he had done all those years ago.

“Why are you so quiet?” She murmured.

“Oh umm, I’m just very shocked, literally lost for words,” I said trying not to show my anger.

“I think it’s best I go now … I am sorry for dropping this on you like this.” She said whilst wiping her tears away and fixing herself up to leave.

“It’s fine totally fine … it’s what I’m here for right?” I said, hesitantly

“Honestly Dan any girl would be lucky to have you,” She said with a smile on her face followed by a tight hug and with that she walked out of my house into the darkness of the streets.

I pressed my face into my pillow and let out a loud roaring sound. I felt like a volcano erupting; rage pouring out of me like monstrous waves. I had already made my mind up about what I was going to do but how I was going to go about it was the hardest part. What gets to me the most out of everything she said to me was that she knew I would be a great boyfriend so I wonder why she is with him and not me.

All this thinking began to make me tired, it was getting very late as well so I decided to leave this hell I was currently living in and sleep everything off.

Weeks passed by since I last saw Sarah and it felt like a couple months had passed since I spoke or saw Jamie which had me worried but I was still pissed off at him for not letting me know Sarah had a boyfriend.

There were a few weeks until Christmas; I wanted to be jolly for the festive season after all that has happened to me but I just couldn’t do it. I looked outside my window, everything looked miserable the perfect way to sum up my life. The girl of my dreams has a boyfriend and I’m still a virgin with a messed up family.

“Daniel! Are you deaf!” My mum shouted at the top of her voice as she stormed into my room

“Chill man I couldn’t hear you,” I replied

“Wait do we look like the same age for you to speak to me like that? Have some manners or I’ll beat it into you.”

“Sorry, sorry won’t happen again,” I said without hesitation as I saw my mum’s vein about to surface.

“Well, why are you still at home don’t you have college?” She asked curiously.

“Oh no, we broke up for Christmas holiday’s now.” I blurted out with confidence.

“Okay well invite Sarah and Jamie over I’m cooking tonight,” She said

“Okay, I’ll call them and see if they can make it,” I said reluctantly.

It was odd that my mum was cooking and even more odd that she seemed normal so I knew something must have happened.

After a while of procrastinating I called Sarah and messaged Jamie. Sarah was thrilled since she hasn’t seen me in a long while but as for Jamie I got no response.

A few minutes later my phone rang and it was Jamie shouting down my phone.

“Yooo! Bro, it’s been like forever man what’s up?”

“Yeah I’m good. Did you get my message if so come by later tonight around 7/8pm.” I said in an agitated tone to my voice.

“Why you talking like that you sound bare off bro! Anyway yeah, I’ll be kind of late just going to a girls house to do a few things.” He said cheekily.

I knew he was going to sex it was obvious that’s all he knew.

“Yeah do your thing, roll thafe (safe),” I replied.

“Wait why are you talking like you have a lisp? Are you Fool? No, wait you’ve been watching that hood documentary thing I bet.” He laughed out loud.

“Yeah, it’s a bad habit now but yeah later tonight,” I said then hung up straight away.

Talking to him started to make me feel angry again like temper was slowly starting to consume me so I had to just hang up. I have to keep in mind that it’s not all his fault but the way I was no I couldn’t careless.

The day went onwards before I knew I realised it was already time for the dinner. Sarah came at 7 pm on the dot; I couldn’t stop looking at her. She was so disarmingly unaware of her beauty, skin complexion completely flawless, skin glowed in a way that she could light up any dark room she entered. The way she smiled and laughed it’s impossible not to do that same back in return.

“Dan what are you looking at? Is there something on my face?” She asked.

“Haha nope there isn’t; I was just looking at how good you look that’s all,” I replied looking at the floor and fidgeting making sure I didn’t make any eye contact with her.

“Aww, you’re too cute,” She said with excitement as she hugged me.

Dinner was going great it was like a mini family but without Jamie, as he hadn’t arrived yet. I just thought he’s fucking the girl he went to see and lost track of time since it wouldn’t be the first time he did something like this.

“Dan, check where Jamie is he’s missing out on your mum’s mac and cheese,” Sarah suggested.

“Nah let’s finish the food, it will teach him to come on early next time,” I said with a devilish grin on my face.

“Go call the boy now Daniel.” My mum said assertively whilst rolling her eyes.

“Ok! Ok, I was only joking.” I stood up and went to my room to retrieve my phone and saw that I had eight missed calls and I didn’t recognise the number, so I called it back.

“Hello North Middlesex Hospital, what is your emergency.”

“I’ve just had eight missed call’s from this number and I am wondering why?”

“Sorry, can we take your name, please.”

“Daniel”

“Sorry full name please?”

“Daniel Adebayo… Wait what is going on here?”

“Hold one moment please”

“…..”

“Hello Sir, it’s PC Andrew Coffins on the phone. Unfortunately, we have a Jamie Josephs who was on the receiving end of a stabbing but is now in a stable condition.”

“Jesus, what do you mean he was stabbed? When? Where?”

“Sir could you please calm done for a second! We would like you and your mother to come down to the hospital as he has listed you as his only family.”

“Ok! Yes, be right there.”

My heart dropped as I hung up the phone I couldn’t believe it. I had so many questions but only Jamie could answer them so I had to head off to the hospital. I darted back into the dining room and broke the news to everyone; I couldn’t be asked to wait for their response, my friend was seriously wounded and I had to be by his side.

“What are we still doing here let’s go!!” I shouted

“Let me get my car keys.” Replied my mum as she rushed to her room to get them and her belongings.

“Sarah I think it’s best you wait for us here I don’t want you seeing him in the state he is in and I don’t want you going out home alone,” I said assertively.

“Yeah you’re right,” She answered.

Now in my mum’s car whizzing off to the hospital; I couldn’t help but think that my life was about to take another turn for the worst. So from this day onwards I’m putting my foot down and not going to tolerate any more bullshit.

Dear, Jay

Yes, I’m still referring to you as Jay because that’s all I know…well did know.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I have sat with my fingers balanced over these keys, gazing at a clear screen in light of the fact that it pains and saddens me so much to get everything I’m about to say off my chest.

It’s just over a year since my accident happened. I Thank God every day for allowing me to come out of it; I then remember the reason why It happened to begin with and having to live with that every day I am alive.

I ask myself every day did I love you too much? Did I say something out of line? Was I just not good enough for you? Then realise that you were and are just scum.

I won’t shed any more tears for you! I won’t starve myself because of you! My life no longer revolves around you…The man no, the little boy who stabbed me through the heart.

The pain you have caused me these past few months is unforgivable…The things I let myself do just to fill that missing space that you used to fill makes me sick!

When I saw that you had posted the birth of your daughter on Facebook I literally died inside. Suddenly my whole body was drenched with rage. Numb, I could not feel anything around me, my eyes were fixed on this new child that had been brought into the world. Everything then went silent and the only thing I could hear was the sound of my heart throbbing.

Remembering moments later that I had Chelsea’s note with her number with it I decided that I’d call her in a few days and in doing so to my disbelief she told me everything that had happened and it all made sense.

How could you Fuck her then come back to me a few hours later to Fuck me did you not respect me enough? It makes me sick to my stomach that I was apart of this all. All the lies that you told me honestly I hope you rot in Hell.

The psychological trauma you caused me because all I knew was to love you, take care of you and make love to you and the fact that it was all taken away so suddenly I had to go find it elsewhere.

All I wanted to do was feel loved even if it wasn’t real love; I let almost any and every male that approached me have a bite of my forbidden fruit until one guy made me realise the hard way that fucking every male to fill that void you left wasn’t the way to deal with things.

You’ve turned me into this broken mess, you fucked up my confidence, and I remember every single word you said, I remember how you made me feel like something special but look what you went on to do.

I had a day where I totally lost myself; I set out to do the unthinkable…

I stood across the road from your house; your front room lights were switched on so I saw everything that was happening. There she was your baby girl in your arms crying. The sky was dark and low; the air so chilled it hurt to breathe. Already the ground was laid white with frost and any water that had been liquid under the winter sun had become ice. I continued to look onwards as I saw Chelsea walk into the front room towards you with a baby bottle with what I presume was warm milk. Just seeing you two together made my stomach turn upside down with disgust but weirdly enough it made me happy to see you stepping up and playing your role as a father.

I placed my left hand over my mouth, the other rigidly clutching my stomach, my eyelids shut so tightly they began to fidget and shudder from the bullish force, as if the very corner of my eyes were being pricked with a needle, crying silent tears that ran down my cheeks because I knew if not for that accident I had that would have been me and you with OUR BABY!

Yes, I was PREGNANT Jay! I had no idea until the nurse came back with tests results for me telling me that the baby was lost due to the nature of the accident I had.

Can you for one minute imagine how I felt? To then realise that you would be having a baby with someone else just made me want to commit suicide; I didn’t want to live anymore Jay…This is what you done to me!

It feels like emptiness in your heart, a shear of nothingness that somehow takes over and holds your soul and threatens to kill you entirely unless you do it first. It gives you this heavy feeling that’s like the weight of the world is resting on your shoulders and there is nothing you can do to get out from under it.

I hope when you’re reading this you realise that I had your back 100%. I was down for you and your cause there was nothing I wouldn’t do for you and you know this so how you through it all away for some Netflix and Chill session I will never understand. Realise this letter isn’t for you or to make you feel bad but just letting you know that I’m finally over it all.

I’ve realised my worth, and there is now someone new in my life that I am looking to take seriously. Yes, I do still love you but did the unspeakable; I’m not sure if the love I have for you will fade away or not but I do know it’s about time I start being happy again and move on with my life.

I wish you all the best in life Jay you and your daughter because if I’m being honest Chelsea can go fuck herself even though I have nothing against her but she still fell victim of the most obvious male scumbag move by accepting your ‘LET’S CHILL’ offer.

From The One You Let Slip Away,

Rochelle xxx